Froley’s Top 5 of 2009

Just kidding, New Moon is not only not in my top 5, it is one of the worst movies of all time. But now that I’ve got your attention, let’s look at 5 movies that were actually worthwhile in the otherwise weak cinematical year that was 2009. Bear in mind that up until December I wasn’t reviewing everything I saw, and I generally didn’t go out of my way to catch smaller or more obscure films, so these top 5 are culled from the three-dozen-odd mainstream films I saw over the course of the year (beginning with Yes Man in January and finishing with Sherlock Holmes this week). There were a lot of stinkers, quite a few that were just ‘meh,’ and a very few that were actually good. So without further ado, here are 5 of my favourite 09 films.

5 – Zombieland (78/100)

Fresh, funny, and frightening in equal measure, Zombieland was the quasi-original kick in the arse Hollywood needed so desperately in a year dominated by sequels, reboots, reimaginings, reinvisionings, reinventions, etc., etc. A sharp script, good characters, great performances, some truly wicked special effects, and a kind of fanciful charm boosted this flick head and shoulders above its competition. Undeniable fun.

4 – District 9

The trailer for District 9 — that first teaser where they interview the alien but you can’t understand what it’s saying — was amazing. It was so amazing, in fact, that it overshadowed the film itself, which failed to deliver on this uniquely intellectual and chilling premise, instead settling for a routine actioner set in a unique location with some great and memorable characters. Wikus’ reluctant journey into becoming an alien mirrors that of Jake Sully‘s, but is infinitely more complex, dichotomous and challenging than the cookie-cutter morality James Cameron forces us to swallow. District 9 had enough original action scenes and intellectual goings-on to elevate it to Top 5 status, but it isn’t exactly a classic of the genre.

3 – Sherlock Holmes (83/100)

A surprise late-contender for a Top 5 spot, Guy Ritchie’s rough-and-tumble, anachronistic, misanthropic, utterly compelling take on the old Sherlock Holmes tales earns a spot for the wonderful dialogue, top-notch performances, technically flawless script and virtuoso action scenes underpinning the film. In this case the trailer does the film an injustice, promising eye-rolling one-liners and cheap sex appeal, when in the fact the flim delivers at least partially on the kind of intellect, wit, charm and mystery you’d expect from the master sleuth. Bravo old chap.

2 – Moon

I went into Moon cold, with only a few positive words from critics and a brief synopsis enough to lure me all the way to the other side of the city to see it. I didn’t watch a single trailer, didn’t clap eyes on a single poster — like I said, cold. That’s the way you need to see the film, because the way it masterfully unfolds and subtly seeps into your brain is unique to a first-viewing. I definitely want to see it again, and will probably be more satisfied for the second viewing, but the initial confusion / comprehension / resignation stages induced by the film’s masterful structure, setting and — most importantly — performance is something you can’t replicate. If you haven’t seen Moon, see it.

1 – Star Trek (88/100)

How the hell did this blockbuster schmaltz end up at number 1? you ask. Because it’s a damn good film, I reply. Sure it’s embarrassing that a hyperactive Star Wars / Star Trek hybrid could take the number one spot, especially over smaller, darker films like District 9 and Moon, but whereas those films are more personal explorations of intelligent sci-fi ideas, Star Trek blasts full throttle out of the optimistic, idyllic, holistic vision future prescribed by series creator Gene Roddenberry, and gives us a future to feel good about. We aren’t just dealing with grim, isolated main characters here, we have a whole ensemble, and rather than tackling a single aspect of the future and technology, we get a more holistic approach, complete with black holes, time travel, space travel, space combat, alien lovin’, and so on. The fact that Star Trek successfully balances all those disparate elements elevates it above the more focused narratives of the aforementioned films, and lands it squarely on the number one spot. That, and the fact that I didn’t enjoy a film this year quite as much as I did Star Trek, and that kind of subjectivity is all that really counts when it comes to film, right?

Right, time for a few quick honourable mentions: Watchmen blew me away in Imax back in March, and gave me so much food for thought (as well as stunning imagery and a perfect soundtrack) that it was in my Top 5 until I saw Sherlock Holmes. Observe And Report gave me a few conflicted chuckles, as well as containing the single best use of the Pixies’ “Where Is My Mind” (take that, Fight Club) in any film, ever. Capitalism: A Love Story was trademark Moore — incendiary, biased, manipulative, terrifying, enlightening, but disappointingly uplifting. As good as the doco was, it was half an hour too long and used a few too many hypocritical elements to make its points (Catholic priests decrying materialistic greed? Please!). Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs surprised in its comedy and honesty, and was likewise a Top 5 contender until I remembered how awesome Moon and District 9 were. And finally, 500 Days Of Summer was actually pretty good; I was worried the soundtrack would be crammed full of indie bullshit, but it was actually quite respectful and the script was original enough to keep me thoroughly entertained, even when the lovers’ actions stopped making sense.

There were quite a few disappointingly average film this year, like Avatar, Slumdog Millionaire, Gran Torino, and Zack And Miri Make A Porno (all films by masters of the craft, all falling into the ‘merely good’ category); G.I. Joe seemed fun and coherent in direct comparison to Transformers 2; Public Enemies mixed dreadful casting with atrocious artistic choices and a predictable-as-hell script to come out as purely ho-hum; Bruno failed to resonate like Borat; Harry Potter 6 represented a slip in the already mediocre quality of the series; I Love You Man and The Hangover were throwaway late-noughties quote-fests with little real originality or wit; I’m gonna put Inglourious Basterds in this category because I liked it about as much as I disliked it; I think I’ll be generous and put Surrogates in here as well; and 2012 can rub shoulders with these films as well (come to think about it, I had just as much, if not more, fun watching 2012 as I did Avatar and G.I. Joe. Huh).

And then there were the actively bad films — Yes Man, Ghost Town, Friday The 13th, Terminator Salvation, Transformers 2, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, The Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3, The Final Destination, Paranormal Activity and, of course, New Moon. I never want to see any of these films ever again in my entire life, but I have a sneaking suspicion I’ll end up having to watch Transformers again for a full vitriolic review at some point, but we’ll see how we go.

So, an average year at the multiplex, with a few sparkling diamonds in the rough excrement of Hollywood’s dross machine. Like I said, I didn’t see every film this year, and I’m sure if The Hurt Locker had been released in this country in a timely fashion I would’ve seen and loved it already. What do you think — was 2009 a bad year for movies? If you cite Transformers 2 and New Moon as evidence against this, I might suffer a complete failure of faith in humanity, but I guess that’s your opinion, or whatever. Sigh. Stay tuned for Captain Howdy’s picks at the weekend.

See you all next year!