GROWN UPS past their prime

GROWN UPS past their prime

Aug 07

This seems unfair to me. If I’m to pay money to endure a torturous, unfunny and immature film like Grown Ups, I should be allowed to deliver a review of the same immature standards. I should be allowed to type like a 14-year-old and complain that this film was HEAPZ FCKN SHIT, NOT EVN FUNNY and I WNT 2 HRS OF MY LIFE BACK!!!!1! Alas, I will instead try to form a respectable review without getting carried away.

I haven’t enjoyed an Adam Sandler movie the way it was intended since the classics of the 90’s, Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. Hell, I’ll even admit I enjoyed The Wedding Singer (2002’s Punch Drunk Love is in a league of its own and, while it’s Adam Sandler at his best, it isn’t an Adam Sandler movie. It’s a film.) So, knowing that Grown Ups reunited some all-time great comedians of Saturday Night Live fame and was being directed by Dennis Dugan (of Billy Madison and Big Daddy), I set those early 90’s classics as the bar for comparison. What resulted was quite possibly the most disappointing movie of 2010.

I always try to remain objective when I watch any film. As I take my seat, I understand the target audience; I understand what the film is likely aiming to achieve and I know what quality of film to expect. I’m not about to sit down to Grown Ups and expect Kubrick, but when it couldn’t even deliver an Adam Sandler-level of expectation, questions have to be asked. Or rotten fruit needs to be thrown at the screen, one of the two.

How did so many ‘A-list’ comedians assemble in one place and not realise their jokes were falling completely flat on a deadweight script?

Between ongoing insipid jokes about a breast-feeding four-year-old, a farting grandmother, rich kids who don’t know what ‘outside’ is, a black man who is the woman of the house, and a melodramatic topè-wearing vegan who shags grannies—and given the ensemble cast— it’s clear Grown Ups was born of a cash-grab mentality without a second thought for originality or structure. This was evidenced in some blatantly obvious plot holes.

This group of talented (?) comedians’ characters were brought together because the coach of their 1978 championship-winning team has passed away. They all got together at his funeral where it was revealed the Coach requested the old team be the ones to spread his ashes… and just them. The team. Where’s the coach’s family? Kids? A wife? Nobody fucking knows. The expectation must have been: so long as the now-forty-plus team get together and accidently get Coach’s ashes into a bucket of KFC, the audience will buy it because it’ll be funny. It wasn’t funny. It was insulting and just the beginning of everything that was wrong with this cheap, lazy and ultimately pointless movie.

Let’s take a look at the comedic stars that should have put bums-in-seats but failed miserably at their jobs, shall we?

Adam Sandler
Sandler’s performance as a hot-shot Hollywood agent was merely Adam Sandler rolled into another undistinctive character. The entire film was a return to old (see: poor) form in both writing and performance. If you’re a fan of Sandler’s feel-good comedies with atrocious characters drowning in toilet humour, then I’d still be amazed if you honestly laughed at this. The same mono-tone wounded school-boy flicking his chin up at every unsuccessful punch line. I felt embarrassed for him.

David Spade
Sorry, when was this guy ever funny? If Grown Ups was a chance for him to finally prove that he has some comedic timing and wit, or the ability to improv beyond the scripted page, he missed it completely. He plays an irritating single guy who’s clueless about the responsibilities of parenthood and marriage perfectly—I don’t think he was acting.

Kevin James
Adam Sandler’s bitch gets to do that same character again; the pained fat guy with sort-of-a-beard-but-not-really. Honestly, there’s nothing different about this Kevin James that there is in any other stuff he has ever done.

Chris Rock
This name is probably the reason I had a little faith in Grown Ups. Unfortunately, Chris was under-done and not used to his full potential. It’s clear he was strangely out of his depth in a PG film, his wisecracks didn’t have the same honesty about them as when he is on stage or in an interview. He knew it, too—I could see the fear in his eyes on every close-up.

Salma Hayek
She needed the pay check, I understand. Salma actually delivered what was required for a stiff, uninteresting wife of Adam Sandler’s character. And when required to wear a smoking hot bathing suit, she did that, too.

Rob Schneider
Now here was an improved performance! Far from his days of being a gigolo or an animal, Rob delivered a brand new zany character that actually showed he has real range and ability to let his characters grow with thought-provoking comedy.

Just kidding; Rob Schneider was possibly the worst thing about the entire fucking film.

I don’t know what happened to Adam Sandler, but this has to be a drastically low point in his career. To write and star in this horrendous waste of time was honestly surprising because I’d like to think he’d hunger to grow, mature and improve as an artist instead of sticking with the same old tact; same old childish shtick every goddamn film he’s responsible for.

Sure, history shows Sandler’s films with bad jokes and uninspired plots make money, and, as the saying goes: “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. Well, Grown Ups was evidence that something is most definitely broken in unfathomable ways.

Grown Ups