FASTER red band trailer looks flashy but plays dirty

Are you struggling to give your protagonist a motive for going on a rampage of destruction? Kill one of his family members. Take a brother, a daughter, a wife, whatever — just make sure you kill them in the first act. That way the audience will never question the protagonist’s violent and morally dubious quest for “justice.”

As in so many Arnie movies before, the protagonist of this film — “the Driver,” played by Dwayne Johnson — decides that forgiveness is for babies, diplomacy is for old white men in skirts, and calling the police is like shooting your own balls off: instead, he must personally kill everyone responsible for his brother’s death, preferably by hand.

The trailer looks neat: it’s got that grainy, lush-lit 70s actioner feel down-pat. But the story makes no sense. “One man killed my brother, so I have to kill a dozen men in return.” Er, righto mate. Why are Maggie Grace, Billie Bob Thornton, Jennifer Carpenter, Carla Gugino, and Adewale Akinnuoye Agbaje here, then? To watch?

The only thing that makes Arnie’s mid-80s gore-fests watchable is the holy one-liner, that cheeky self-consciousness that turns boring violence into some kind of perverse fun. Faster didn’t get that memo, and it may suffer because of it.

Faster is directed by George Tillman Jr. and comes out on 24 November 2010 in the States. International release dates forthcoming.

First trailer for THE TEMPEST, with Helen Mirren, is stagey and flat

For people like me, who don’t “get” Shakespeare, it’s hard to believe other people when they say they do get it. Sometimes it feels like people profess love for Shakespeare’s work just to earn art-wank street cred, when really, they’re just like me; they don’t get what all the fuss is about.

The Tempest, directed by Julie Taymor (Across The Universe), follows in Romeo + Juliet‘s footsteps, in that the Bard’s dialogue is intact, but a glossy action film has been built around it. There are more famous people in it than you could shake a stick at: Helen Mirren, Djimon Hounsou, Russell Brand, Chris Cooper, Alfred Molina… the list goes on. The only thing lacking is a reason for someone like me to see it.

I hate it when people reading Shakespeare suddenly raise their pitch and start enunciating, like it’s impossible to read Shakespeare without trying to sound like Patrick Stewart or Ian McKellen. But then again, reading Shakespeare and not sounding like an idiot takes some skill, so I guess I’ll cut Russell Brand some slack. For now.

So, uh, anyway, watch the trailer and see what you think. The internet tells me The Tempest was one of the inspirations behind Forbidden Planet; that’s got my interest piqued, but then I cop and ear-full the dialogue and I want to go and have a long, cold shower to clean off all the art-wank.

The Tempest whips up a storm on 10 December 2010 in the States. International release dates forthcoming.

BURKE AND HARE trailer is badly edited, barely interesting

It shouldn’t take much to sell Burke And Hare. It’s directed by John (An American Werewolf In London) Landis, and it stars Hollywood’s favourite Brit Simon Pegg, opposite Andy (Gollum) Serkis, and even features Isla Fisher to sweeten the already pretty-good deal.

The plot is straightforward and entertaining: it’s 1828, and a couple of poor blokes decide to break bad in order to make some dough. They supply corpses to some kind of doctor, and the doctor pays them for every corpse they bring. When the corpses run out, the blokes make their own.

So why does this trailer suck so much? The cheesy voiceover at the start is ridiculous; the music played is incongruous; the jokes butt up against each other with no sense of context or timing; and there’s that hideous fourth-wall moment towards the end where Isla Fisher attempts to sell us the movie in character or something. Is it really that hard to cut a decent trailer, Hollywood?

I like An American Werewolf In London, and I’d rather like to see Andy Serkis playing a regular human being for once, so I want to like Burke And Hare. This trailer makes it difficult.

Burke And Hare hits the UK on 29 October 2010. International release dates forthcoming.

TRANSFORMERS 3′s ridiculous subtitle no longer TBA

Transformers: The Dark Of The Moon. The Dark … Of The Moon. Yes, as in, the moon. It has a dark. Didn’t you know? The moon has a dark, and Transformers 3 will be in it. At least a little bit.

Aside from obvious jokes about shitty grammar, what does this title announcement mean for you, the average movie viewer? Apparently the film opens on the moon (our moon, that is, not any of the hundred-or-so in the rest of the solar system), but other than that, plot details are thin on the ground, so your guess is as good as mine. Expect explosions.

Transformers 3: The Dark Of The Moon opens 1 July 2011 in the States, in the dark of the cinema.

Ryan Gosling and Kirsten Dunst topless on this ALL GOOD THINGS poster

My wife will be convinced to see this film the second she finds out Ryan Gosling is topless on the poster, and it goes without saying I wouldn’t kick Kirsten Dunst out of bed. Yep, I’d say All Good Things is guaranteed viewing for this (happily) married couple. Honestly.

What’s it about? Who cares? they’re topless on the poster! Oh, okay… lemme look it up:

All Good Things is a love story and murder mystery based on the most notorious unsolved murder case in New York history. The original screenplay uses newly discovered facts, court records and speculation as the foundation for an imaginative spellbinding story of family, obsession, love and loss.

At the time of publishing, All Good Things is yet to have a release date confirmed.

Emma Stone will kiss Peter Parker, cast in Marc Webb’s SPIDERMAN reboot

Scratchy-voiced green-eyed cutie (I’m a fan, anyway) Emma Stone has officially signed on to star in Sony’s reboot of the Spiderman franchise, Sony confirmed today.

If you were thinking, like I was, that she’d be a shoe-in for Mary Jane Watson, you’d be wrong. Emma will play Gwen Stacy, a blonde college co-ed who becomes the first love of Peter Parker. Green Goblin killed Gwen in The Amazing Spider-Man #121 comic. I have no shame in admitting I had to wikipedia that fact.

Emma continues to improve on her roles as her profile grows, from Superbad and Zombieland to her first lead role in this year’s Easy A, landing the Spiderman reboot is an impressive notch on her belt.

Earlier this year, Sony announced they will not be making a Spiderman 4, rather, they sacked then-franchise director Sam Raimi and began the task of re-hiring for a complete franchise reboot. Something we’re becoming all too familiar with. Marc Webb (yes, Webb) will direct and Andrew Garfield (yes, Garfield) is starring as Peter Parker.

New SUPERMAN guaranteed to be overly processed and glossy, 92% CGI: Zack Snyder is directing

If you’ve ever believed the problem with the last Superman movie was that id didn’t look cartoon-y enough (you know, to match the look of traditional comic books) then you might be chuffed with the news that Sony have appointed none-other than CGI devotee Zack Snyder to direct the next instalment.

Snyder’s CV currently reads like an orgy of slow motion CGI shots, all of which went out of fad about a month after 300 was released. 300, Watchmen, Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole, and his upcoming latest, Sucker Punch.

I can just see Superman himself flying into frame, then his cape flapping reaalllly slooooowwllllly as he passes us in slow motion… then zooming off real quick to fight the baddie– and overgrown alien thing, hugging an entire planet. But this is just my hunch, of course.

Both deadline and Heat Vision confirmed the appointment of Zack Snyder to direct Superman, which currently has the working title Man Of Steel. Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight, Inception) is overlooking the production (so, producing…?) and the screenplay was written by Blade and Dark Knight comic-book-adaptation extraordinaire David S. Goyer.

Emma Thompson joins MEN IN BLACK 3

So, you know Sony are making another Men In Black film, right?

No Kidding. Will Smith is back, and so is Tommy Lee Jones. This installment will deal with time travel and will see Smith’s character Jay going back in time to visit a younger Kay (Tommy Lee Jones’ character).

Anyway, Deadline Hollywood reports Emma Thompson (Love Actually, The Boat That Rocked, Nanny McPhee) has joined the cast of Men In Black 3, which will start shooting (in 3D) soon. She’ll play the character Oh, the head of MIB. Thompson joins Josh Brolin (No Country For Old Men, Milk) and Jemaine Clement (Dinner For Schmucks) as newcomers to the franchise. It’s officially a franchise now that it exists as a trilogy, right?

I remember when Men In Black first opened, around a year after Independence Day was huge. Such a simpler time then. Will Smith + aliens + humour = box office. Remember that formula, make another sequel.

I’m still not sure what is kosher for typing the title of Men In Black 3. Is it meant to be MIIIB? Men In Black 3D? MIB3? I guess we’ll need to wait for official promotion to get under way before we find out for sure. Thrilling, right?

At the moment, Men In Black 3 is slated for a May 2012 release in the U.S.

THE TOURIST poster is plain, simple, boring

Can the publicity for a film completely hinge on the popularity and faces of its stars?

Granted, if The Tourist didn’t star A-listers Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie, I likely wouldn’t have given it a second look. That’s a large chunk of publicity completed in casting. Still, I don’t think that permits the promotion of the film to lack any excitement or, I dunno, risk.

The poster for The Tourist is playing incredibly safe. So safe, in fact, there isn’t much to discuss beyond the picture of the stars. The rest is all white space and text. The picture of Jolie and Depp isn’t riveting at all. They could be stock shots from a red carpet, for all we know.

Clearly, this poster simply states: It stars them! Go see it!

At least the recently released trailer showed promise.

The Tourist opens Boxing Day 2010 in Australia, 10 December in the States.

First full trailer for SKYLINE: like a B-movie, only serious

If you were worried that the news announcer featured in Skyline‘s teaser — all awkwardly-scripted and poorly-directed — was an indication of what direction the movie proper would take, worry no more: you were absolutely right, and Skyline looks crap.

No-name actors delivering lines badly, stock-standard reaction-shots and “Oh-my-god!”s, over-the-top, cartoony action — you’d be forgiven for thinking this was a B-movie. But the actors are all playing it totally straight.

I usually like to give movies a chance — especially sci-fi movies — but ever since Pandorum violated my trust I’ve been a little wary. For now, let’s put Skyline in the “Might not turn out awful, but probably will” pile and move on.

Skyline is due on 12 November 2010 in the States. It’s directed by the Strouse Brothers, of Alien Vs Predator 2: Requiem infamy.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 4 news round-up

First off, the stuff we’ve already covered: Brad Bird‘s taking the reins (shooting live action for the first time), Tom Cruise is back, Paula Patton‘s on board as the flavour of the week compelling female protagonist, and Jeremy Renner‘s coming in as Cruise’s fellow agent (Renner might end up carrying the series one day).

Next up, some more casting news: Simon Pegg and Ving Rhames will reprise their roles from M:I 3, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo star Michael Nyqvist will play M:I 4‘s villain, and Lost‘s Josh Holloway will appear as yet another agent alongside Cruise and Renner in the Mission: Impossible team.

Finally, locations: Dubai, Vancouver and Prague have all been confirmed to appear in the film. Sounds like some international fun, eh?

The first two M:I movies were pretty so-so, but I had a lot of fun watching JJ Abrams’ M:I 3; hopefully Bird (and the extensive new cast) can bring something fresh and honest to the franchise.

Mission Impossible 4 is due in December 2011.

Teaser trailer for Coen Brothers western TRUE GRIT starring Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon and Josh Brolin

Paramount Pictures have released a teaser trailer for True Grit, the next film from the Coen Brothers starring Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon, Josh Brolin and Hailee Steinfeld. It’s the first footage that we’ve seen of the film.

It’s easy for me to get excited about this 1 minute of footage because, like many, I’m a Coen Brothers fan. True Grit looks poised to join the ranks of some of their greatest films and seems to follow the same tone as Oscar Best Picture winner No Country For Old Men. More quality from quality filmmakers.

John Wayne won a Best Actor Oscar for his role as Marshal Reuben J. Cogburn in the original 1969 film (this time played by Bridges), but the Coen Brother’s adaptation is said to follow the original Charles Portis book rather than remake the film.

Interesting to see Matt Damon sporting a mustache and looking grizzly, too– should be an interesting performance to watch out for.

A feature trailer is expected to follow soon. I can hardly wait!

The U.S. get to see True Grit from Christmas Day 2010, the rest of the world needs to wait until January 2011.
14 January in UK and Germany, 20 January in Australia

Fourteen-year-old Mattie Ross’s (Hailee Steinfeld) father has been shot in cold blood by the coward Tom Chaney (Josh Brolin), and she is determined to bring him to justice. Enlisting the help of a trigger-happy, drunken U.S. Marshal, Rooster Cogburn (Jeff Bridges), she sets out with him — over his objections — to hunt down Chaney. Her father’s blood demands that she pursue the criminal into Indian territory and find him before a Texas Ranger named LeBoeuf (Matt Damon) catches him and brings him back to Texas for the murder of another man.