Will Ferrell in a serious movie? Images from EVERYTHING MUST GO

Remember the last time Will Ferrell attempted a semi-serious character, in Stranger Than Fiction? That didn’t go so well. To be fair, it wasn’t his performance that let the film down, but rather the script. So is there any hope for Everything Must Go, a “dramedy” starring everyone’s favourite iron-lunged goon?

The story concerns a motivational speaker who is abruptly fired, and goes home to find that his wife has locked him out of the house, changed the locks, and thrown all of his possessions onto the front lawn. So the guy starts selling all the stuff in “an absurdly escalating garage sale that becomes a unique strategy for survival.” I guess it’s just one of those premises that really needs a trailer to sell itself, because that synopsis alone is dead boring.

Everything Must Go is writer / director Dan Bush‘s debut; no release dates have been announced yet.

images and words: IonCinema

Sean Penn and Naomi Watts reunite in FAIR GAME trailer

Don’t you hate it when your husband outs you as a CIA agent and you are hunted by terrorists and your own government alike? That’s the central premise of Fair Game, the true story of Valerie Plame, whose world turned upside down when her super-secret life was made uncomfortably public.

The Bourne Identity‘s Doug Liman directs Naomi Watts and Sean Penn in Fair Game, based on the non-fiction book by Joseph Wilson. The trailer flashes perfunctory glimpses of domestic drama and professional intrigue, but I can’t get past how dull and desaturated the film looks. Hopefully it’ll come alive on the silver screen.

Fair Game is due here in ’2010,’ apparently; US citizens will get a glimpse into their Central Intelligence Agency on 5 November 2010.

Trailer for CASE 39, a movie that came out nearly a year ago

Case 39, a thrillery sort of thing with Renée Zellweger and Bradley Cooper in it, was originally due to hit US screens on 8 August 2008. It was delayed, probably because of how terrible it looks. Somehow, we (as in, Australia) copped it around October last year: it flopped financially and flunked critically.

Two years past its due date, it’s finally getting an American release. Maybe Paramount reckons there’s some money to be had in releasing something with Bradley Cooper in it, now that he’s all popular and stuff?

Case 39 opens in the States on 1 October 2010. For a plot synopsis, watch the trailer; it gives most of it away.

SPLICE review

Splice is unsure of itself from the opening frame. The opening credits are distracting, redundant, and poorly rendered – symptoms of which the rest of the movie is sadly guilty, too. There are some interesting themes floating around in the script, but director Vincenzo Natali (Cube) doesn’t quite know which ones to focus on, which ones to push into the background, and which ones to cut entirely.

The characters are unsympathetic and hurt the plot more than they should. The two main characters, played by a solid Adrien Brody and a patchy Sarah Polley, are inconsistent in their actions and completely mysterious in their motivations. For a small-scale sci-fi that focuses more on character than action, this is bad news.

The idea of genetic experimentation is treated inconsistently as well. As part of the film’s back-story, scientists magically combine DNA from various barnyard animals to create an amorphous blob that serves as a medicinal protein factory; creating a locomotive organism from bits and pieces of various other organism is pushing the envelope of plausibility as it is, but then, when the scientists add just one sequence of human DNA into the mix, the result miraculously looks 99% human – it’s easy enough to forgive some storytelling liberties, but Dren’s human appearance is a bit too much of a stretch for me.

Also ridiculous is the “she ages days in minutes” device slapped onto Dren. For the first half of the movie, she’s shown in various stages of development, from infant to adolescent, but then, about halfway through, Dren’s supernatural ageing conveniently halts at just the right level of development for Adrien Brody’s character to find her sexually attractive.

It’s shortcuts like this – jumping from amorphous blobs to human forms, dropping the rapid growth idea when it becomes inconvenient – that betray Splice for what it is. It’s clear that the story-writers (director Vincenzo Natali, along with Antoinette Terry Bryant) had a couple of half-decent third-act ideas, but had no idea how to build a supporting first and second act to get there.

A dark streak permeates the plot, an aspect that probably would have helped the film if it had stronger characters, but in reality serves to alienate the audience from what little good Splice has to offer. Film classifications should probably warn of rape scenes, too, especially when such deeply traumatic experiences are treated as glibly as they are in Splice. Make no mistake, Splice is an ugly film.

For the first half or so, before the film completely runs off the rails, the plot is mildly engaging. There are quite a few different themes going on at once, but, thanks to the film’s leisurely pace, they never seem cluttered or confusing. It’s a shame that none of them pays off properly, but, while it lasts, the film’s first half is relatively enjoyable.

But when the second half kicks in, it all gets a bit silly. Unsure of how to deal with underdeveloped side-characters who know too much, the script simply has them killed. Unsure of how to give one of the central characters strong motivation, the film spends too long on a subplot / back-story that has no direct effect on the action. Unsure of how to underline Dren’s alienness, the script throws a couple of goofy-looking insect wings onto her arms. And then it gets really ridiculous towards the end.

The script’s biggest crime, though, is its uncertainty in dealing with Dren. Despite looking 99% human and displaying cognitive linguistic ability, the script prevents her from speaking, probably to emphasise her non-humanness. Either too lazy to follow through on the plot idea, or mistakenly enamoured of their characters, the screenwriters opt to trap Dren in the family barn, hidden from public view, rather than show her to the world and gauge the reaction.

If they’d followed through on that idea, the film could have become more like the Frankenstein story it’s already channelling, and more compelling as a drama. If Dren had become a sought-after celebrity, a curiosity and a wonder of science, maybe then the characters’ in-fighting and jealousy could have played out in an interesting way. As it is, the worst thing that can happen to the main characters is that they could die, and as far as the audience is concerned, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

The script needed more work before going into production; that much is clear. Performances could have been tightened, too, as quite a few of them are weak or one-dimensional; Dren especially seems awkwardly over-the-top at times. The plot, too, could have done with a major overhaul, and the characters could have been represented in a more consistent light.

Nevertheless, there is – somewhere – a half-decent premise in Splice. While the ethical implications of cloning are largely glossed over by the script, it’s enough to get the audience thinking. The dark Oedipal / Freudian themes alluded to, and the clothes-off sexy-time promised by the trailers, might titillate some. But I think most people will find Splice too bitter a pill to swallow, too ugly an experience to enjoy, and too hollow a film to watch more than once – and that’s just about the worst thing you can say about a movie: that you’ll never watch it again. It’s a shame, because Splice was almost interesting – almost.

Splice

VANISHING ON 7TH STREET trailer, in which Hayden Christensen becomes afraid of the dark

Don’t you hate it when you wake up to find the entire population of the Earth has vanished into thin air, obnoxiously leaving their recently-vacated clothes draped haphazardly all over the road? Well, that’s the premise of Vanishing On 7th Street, with Hayden Christensen, Thandie Newton, and John Leguizamo.

The trailer starts out bleak and mysterious, but tips its hand in the latter half: it’s going to be one of those spooks-in-the-dark kind of movies, in which the characters disappear / are attacked by shadows (?) if they wander off into the dark. Oh dear.

Vanishing On 7th Street is directed by TV-show-helmer Brad Anderson, and is due to premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival later this year; no proper release plans have yet been released.

Trailer for Wes Craven’s MY SOUL TO TAKE is predictably mediocre

When a trailer opens with the softly spoken poetic words of that evening prayer Metallica made famous and is quickly filled with a soft ‘metal’ soundtrack, clichéd cheap-scare editing and the promise of terrifying 3D, I quickly realise I’m watching something that completely misses me as the target audience.

Take as many teen slasher movies as you like and mash them together, this is what you get: My Soul To Take, directed by Wes Craven. A predictably mediocre mess that looks as atrocious as a remake of one of his older films, only it’s a completely original script. If this is the form he’s taking in to Scream 4, I’d say there’s a good reason to be worried. Yes, I’m judging all this on the trailer alone– that’s the point of a trailer.

Perhaps kids today buy into this shit, but someone should sit them down and show them Jaws and The Shining (hell, even the original A Nightmare on Elm Street) and explain what makes them work so well; by extension proving My Soul To Take, in comparison, looks like absolute cookie-cutter garbage.

My Soul To Take opens 8 October in the U.S.

In the sleepy town of Riverton, legend tells of a serial killer who swore he would return to murder the seven children born the night he died. Now, 16 years later, people are disappearing again. Has the psychopath been reincarnated as one of the seven teens, or did he survive the night he was left for dead? Only one of the kids knows the answer…

Jeff Bridges in first official image from Coen Brothers western TRUE GRIT

I’m a sucker for a Coen Brothers film and always highly anticipate anything they’re working on. Can you blame me?

Releasing soon is their adaptation of the Charles Portis novel True Grit (which became a popular 1969 John Wayne western), starring ‘The Dude’ Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon and Josh Brolin. The first image has just been released in super-high resolution and shows an eye-patched Bridges with co-star Hailee Steinfeld. A trailer can’t be far behind.

Click the image below to see it ridiculously large.

True Grit opens Christmas Day 2010 in the U.S. There’s no word on other markets yet.

First trailer for Darren Aronofsky’s BLACK SWAN shows Natalie Portman going mental

Darren Aronofsky‘s much-anticipated follow-up to The Wrestler finally has a trailer. Black Swan stars Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel and Winona Ryder, and appears ready to put all those pesky little dance films to shame with its ominous, dark tone.

Thankfully I knew nothing of the plot before sitting down to this trailer, so it had the required crazy and intense effect one me. Looks like Aronofsky has gone back to his sublime, mind-fucking best for this one. I don’t think I’ve ever looked forward to a dance movie before.

Black Swan is playing at the Toronto International Film Festival in September before a 1 December, 2010 release in the U.S. Other territories will follow, but no dates have been announced.

Black Swan follows the story of Nina (Portman), a ballerina in a New York City ballet company whose life, like all those in her profession, is completely consumed with dance. She lives with her retired ballerina mother Erica (Barbara Hershey) who zealously supports her daughter’s professional ambition. When artistic director Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel) decides to replace prima ballerina Beth MacIntyre (Winona Ryder) for the opening production of their new season, Swan Lake, Nina is his first choice. But Nina has competition: a new dancer, Lily (Kunis), who impresses Leroy as well. Swan Lake requires a dancer who can play both the White Swan with innocence and grace, and the Black Swan, who represents guile and sensuality. Nina fits the White Swan role perfectly but Lily is the personification of the Black Swan. As the two young dancers expand their rivalry into a twisted friendship, Nina begins to get more in touch with her dark side with a recklessness that threatens to destroy her.

RESIDENT EVIL: AFTERLIFE featurette is loaded with contradictions

As if the trailer didn’t already convince me to be cautious of the upcoming fourth Resident Evil sequel, IGN got the scoop on a new featurette for Resident Evil: Afterlife, starring Milla Jovovich and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. You can watch the featurette embedded below.

Amongst elaborate shots of things being thrown at the screen and Milla jumping places while swinging swords (naturally,) cast and crew give their comments about how exciting the film is going to be for everybody to see, not realising they are actually cancelling each other out when their comments are cut against the preview footage and themselves.

For instance, hardly a minute passes after a pair of sunglasses (…sunglasses?) are thrown at the screen in a glossy, epic, slow-mo 3D moment, before the production designer counters the shot by stating they didn’t want the 3D to be gimmicky “by overdoing all the things flying at you.” Did they all attend the same production meetings?

Meanwhile, co-star Ali Larter admits “these guys are figuring it out as they go along (the 3D technology).” Because that’s always a good thing.

The clincher, though, is when poor, innocent, attractive Milla quips, “(The 3D) is so perfect for a film like this because it’s so much about the action and the flying and the stunts”. No, Milla. That’s not what Resident Evil should be about. At all.

Resident Evil: Afterlife stumbles onto cinema screens 10 September, 2010 in populated places like the U.S., Canada and Europe. Fellow Aussies need to wait until school students go on break a month later, 7 October, 2010.

Clint Eastwood’s first chick flick, HEREAFTER, to premiere at 2010 New York Film Festival

Continuing his two-a-year streak, Clint Eastwood‘s latest project, Hereafter, with Matt Damon and Bryce Dallas Howard, is set to premiere in October, to close out the 2010 New York Film Festival. Eastwood charmingly describes the film as his first chick flick, but one that won’t make men “want to stick a Swiss Army knife in their leg.” The plot goes thusly:

“Follows three plotlines: Matt Damon plays a psychic in San Francisco who can’t connect emotionally with his girlfriend (Bryce Dallas Howard) and wants nothing to do with his powers; Cecile DeFrance plays a French TV journalist/talk show host who has a near death experience in the 2004 Tsunami and the third character is a young boy whose twin brother dies in an accident (played by unknowns Frankie and George McClaren). Slowly as the script evolves, their lives interconnect.”

Nothing in that synopsis reeks of chick-flickery, but I guess the proof will be in the pudding. While I caught Gran Torino last year, I regrettably missed Changeling and Invictus; maybe if the guy would slow down for a week or two I’d have time to keep up with his movies.

The New York Film Festival runs from 24 September – 10 October 2010; Hereafter is released properly on 22 October in the States; no word on an Aussie release date yet.

Roland Emmerich’s “Shakespeare-was-a-hack” movie ANONYMOUS due in March 2011

After killing the world for the umpteenth time in 2012, filmmaker Roland Emmerich has turned his sights on a more low-key plot for his next film. Anonymous is, according to Emmerich,

“… a mix of a lot of things: it’s an historical thriller because it’s about who will succeed Queen Elizabeth and the struggle of the people who want to have a hand in it. It’s the Tudors on one side and the Cecils on the other, and in between [the two] is the Queen. Through that story we tell how the plays written by the Earl of Oxford ended up labeled ‘William Shakespeare’.”

Historians across the globe are probably face-palming right now, but what concerns me the most is that Emmerich is known for bombastic, apocalyptic visuals offset by weak — often laughable — human drama; his decision to shoot a character-driven period drama on a $30m budget seems strange and alarming to me.

The film has a cast in place — including Edward Hogg, Vanessa Redgrave, David Thewlis, and Rhys Ifans — and now, apparently, a release date too: 25 March 2011. All that’s lacking is a modicum of common sense.

Anyway, in case you forgot what he looked like, here is an image of the Bard in Lego form:

High-resolution images from HARRY POTTER 7 caught red-handed

With Part 1 of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows just around the corner, Warner Bros. is ramping up their marketing campaign. “Go for epic” seems to be the marketing mantra this time around (if you hadn’t already caught the gist from the trailer and poster), and these pictures, culled from Collider, fit that descriptor quite nicely.

Harry Potter 7 Part 1 is released on 18 November 2010 here; US and UK get it on 19 November; Part 2 is due in July 2011.

Click an image to embiggen: