10 sports movies I am watching instead of the FIFA World Cup
Jul 05
So, the FIFA World Cup 2010 is on, and while Australia’s Socceroos crumbled to yet another dismal early-exit from the tournament, I’ve decided to re-watch some of my favourite sporting movies instead of enduring what remains of the event. After all, the running time for a lot of films is pretty close to a single game of soccer. I might just tune in to the final.
Note: I’m not saying these are the greatest sporting movies of all time. They are films from my collection that I’ve been watching while the World Cup is on, since I’m not much of a soccer fan but the hype has put me in a sporty mood. If there’s a sports movie you enjoy, please leave a comment below (or nag me on facebook like everyone else).
#10 THE KARATE KID (1984)
Forget the recent remake with Will Smith’s kid and Chackie Chan, the 1984 original will always stand as the first martial arts film to break into the children’s market. Wax on, wax off! Daniel Larusso coming to terms with his new town and bonding with Mr. Miyagi, whooping that gangs ass after they beat him up on the beach (oh, spoilers, by the way…). The Karate Kid has actually gotten better with age, the retro style adds a timeless quality that most films lack when they age so quickly. My kids will be seeing this, and they will always understand that, as a 6 year old boy, this movie meant a great deal to their Daddy. That little bastard on the playground never picked on me again the day after I saw this…
#9 HAPPY GILMORE (1996)
Please bear with me… I saw this as a teenager and, at the time, it was the funniest thing on the planet. Of course, now I’ve matured past the humour of it, but the nostalgia still remains when I put it on. Adam Sandler as a no-good hockey player whooping Shooter McGavin’s ass on a golf course? Timeless. Who hasn’t tried the Gilmore Shot when playing golf with their buddies? This film sprung to mind because I find myself partly quoting this flick whenever I try to watch soccer: “Get in the net, baaalll!”
#8 CADDYSHACK (1980)
If I’m going to watch Happy Gilmore, I’ll need to watch Caddyshack right afterwards to wash the taste out. Bill Murray, Chevy Chase and a gopher on a golf course. This will always be a classic.
#7 SLAPSHOT (1977)
Wonderful things happen when you put Paul Newman in a hockey jersey and let him swear a whole bunch. Still the best ice hockey film ever made, you’ll find this on any of those ‘proper’ best sports movies lists and with good reason. Helps that I adore ice hockey, a sport that, like soccer, usually results in only a few goals per game, but at least you can smack the shit out of your opponent in the process.
#6 COOL RUNNINGS (1993)
John Candy, how I miss your delightful humour. Remember, kids, your bones do not break in a bobsled. No, no. They shatter. Would you believe I only discovered recently that Cool Runnings is based on the true story of the Jamican bobslead team qualifying for the Winter Olympic Games? I mean, I was 12, how was I supposed to know? I always thought it was just a super-clever original premise. Anyway, this Disney classic hasn’t aged well at all, but nothing beats that delicious early-90s nostalgia.
#5 THE WRESTLER (2008)
The return to form for Mickey Rourke snagged him a Golden Globe for Best Actor (he was robbed at the Oscars) and put one of the most controversial ’sports’ back under the spotlight for a brief moment. Yeah, I consider it a sport. The stuff these guys can achieve in the ring is (sometimes) staggering, and this film wonderfully illustrates how much they go through to entertain their huge fan-base. Tell you what, you go and tell one of these beefy blokes in person that what they do isn’t real, and if you can still speak coherently afterwards, I’ll listen to your side of the argument.
#4 FIELD OF DREAMS (1989)
Lads, don’t watch this one with your Father. I had no intention of seeing this (baseball AND Kevin Costner? No thanks…) until my wife enforced it with one of those embargos where I had no choice. Sorta maybe had me a little sooky toward the end there… Let’s just leave it at that.
#3 ROCKY (1976)
Not just for the thumping music, inspiring journey and slurring Sly, but also for the screenplay. Rocky is an independent film that is pure legendary. People are often surprised when I remind them Rocky won the Oscar for Best Picture that year… might have something to do with all of those average sequels that blurs their appreciation. Still, any budding screenwriters out there who need a good template and an inspirational story to keep them going, remember Sly wrote the script in a matter of days and it landed him an Oscar nod.
#2 JERRY MAGUIRE (1996)
Cameron Crowe’s would-be romantic comedy Jerry Maguire is easily forgotten as a sports film. It coined one of the most repeated and mocked lovey-dovey quotes of the past two decades: “You had me at ‘hello’.” whimpers a tearful Renée Zellweger to a desperate Tom Cruise (who wasn’t quite completely nuts yet). There’s also the aged classic “Show me the money!!” which Tom screams down the phone in an effort to sign Rod Tidwell, a role which won Cuber Gooding Jr. an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. The less said about his career after that night, the better. It’s the corporate backstabbing and eventual success of Tidwell that keeps me coming back to this one.
#1 RAGING BULL (1980)
Beyond being a great sports movie, Raging Bull is a brilliant film that stands above many others. Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci up-front and Martin Scorsese behind the camera, the cinema lessons learned from watching this classic boxing film about Jake La Motta are endless. Unfortunately, watching Scorsese’s directorial brilliance in Raging Bull now also serves as a reminder to just how horrible Shutter Island actually is. I guess you really can’t win ‘em all.
New EXPENDABLES images are ridiculous, awesome
May 29
Just when you thought The Expendables couldn’t get any more stunty or veiny, Collider drops these gnarly new images on us. I’ve been keen as mustard on this film ever since the name Arnold Schwarzenegger was mentioned. Hitting screens in August 2010.
Official Synopsis:
Expendable: capable of being sacrificed in order to accomplish a military objective.
THE EXPENDABLES is a hard-hitting action/thriller about a group of mercenaries hired to infiltrate a South American country and overthrow its ruthless dictator. Once the mission begins, the men realize things aren’t quite as they appear, finding themselves caught in a dangerous web of deceit and betrayal. With their mission thwarted and an innocent life in danger, the men struggle with an even tougher challenge – one that threatens to destroy this band of brothers.
Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) is a man with nothing to lose. Fearless and void of emotion, he is the leader, the sage and the strategist of this tight-knit band of men who live on the fringe. His only attachment is to his pickup truck, his seaplane and his team of loyal modern-day warriors. His is a true cynic who describes what he does as “removing those hard to get at stains.” The team behind him is made up of Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), former SAS and a savant with anything that has a blade; Yin Yang (Jet Li), a master at close-quarter combat; Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), who has known Barney for ten years and is a long-barrel weapons specialist; Toll Road (Randy Couture), a skilled demolitions expert and considered the intellect of the group; and Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), a combat veteran and an expert in precision sniping who struggles with his own demons.
When the mysterious Church offers Barney a job no one else would take, Barney and his team embark on what appears to be a routine mission: overthrow General Gaza (David Zayas), the murderous dictator of the small island country of Vilena and end the years of death and destruction inflicted on its people. On a reconnaissance mission to Vilena, Barney and Christmas meet their contact Sandra (Giselle Itie), a local freedom-fighter with a dark secret. They also come to learn who their true enemy is: rogue ex-CIA operative James Monroe (Eric Roberts) and his henchman Paine (Steve Austin). When things go terribly wrong, Barney and Christmas are forced to leave Sandra behind, essentially giving her a death sentence. Haunted by this failure, Barney convinces the team to return to Vilena to rescue the hostage and finish the job he started. And to perhaps save a soul: his own.
IRON MAN 2 review: no girls allowed
Apr 29
Julie Andrews suggests I start the very beginning (which is apparently a very good place to start), so I’ll do that:
Iron Man 2 starts off bad.
There’s an awkward opening scene establishing Mickey Rourke’s “Whiplash” character that comes off hideously awkward and unnecessary, which plunges quickly into a vomit-inducingly sexist scene involving various swooping close-ups of womens’ body parts as they gyrate in moody lighting and then — as if to top it all off — Jon Favreau himself (the film’s director) appears on screen as Tony Stark’s slave / assistant. What pretentiousness! thought I. What nerve!
After making a pretty naff first impression, Iron Man 2 eventually lurched into gear, but the movie I found myself in wasn’t at all familiar. Maybe my memories of the first flick are too vague, and maybe Terrence Howard’s forced removal and replacement subconsciously confused the heck out of me, but Iron Man 2 didn’t really feel like a sequel to begin with. Sure, Robert Downey Jr’s in this one, and he’s still a prick, and Gwyneth Paltrow’s here, and she’s still a bit prickly, but nothing really jived too well and I started wondering if Iron Man 2 was yanking my chain.
Then the action scenes started and I remembered why I was here: because Iron Man’s awesome. That’s really the long and short of it, and it’s the reason why we go to see his movies. Out of the suit he’s the kind of asshole we only dream of someday becoming, and in the suit he’s the kind of red and gold robot fellow whose toys — ahem, ACTION FIGURES — we used to play with as boys. If we were boys — I know I was one, at least once; 50/50 odds that you were, too.
Who are you and why are you in this movie?
Without this boyish awesomeness these movies would be ridiculous. You wouldn’t find a character like Tony Stark in a Serious Movie, because his personality and abilities are larger than life. Which is fine, if you like that kind of thing, but I couldn’t help but feel two things: a) this is a boys only club (no girls allowed!), and b) the movie would’ve been better served by a more rapid and less circuitous route to the boyish awesomeness.
To elaborate on point a), Jon Favreau must be some kind of chauvinist dog, because he takes every opportunity to objectify women (other than Gwyneth Paltrow). The vomit-inducing shots I mentioned above are one problem, but framing a shot with Scarlett Johanssen’s figure is another. I know a lot of people (read: men) don’t give two hoots about this, so I won’t repeat myself here, but bear in mind that Iron Man 2 is shamelessly sexist, and that this is a bad thing. Also Johanssen’s performance isn’t too crash hot. Just sayin’.
Point b) is pretty self-explanatory. There is a fantastic scene in which Whiplash makes himself known to the world at large, and while the scene is appropriately awesome (in a boyish way), it would’ve had even greater impact if we’d never seen Whiplash before. I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the two scenes with Whiplash that are thrown into the first act before his big reveal could have been removed entirely. Then the ensuing scenes involving Whiplash would have a bit more mystery and confusion and — perhaps — tension to them that are lacking here.
Those are my two main gripes. Other than that, Iron Man 2 is an exemplary middle child: building on the first film while leaving the door wide open for a third. There’s even the customary Act 2 self-doubt and moral complexity you’d expect from a good Marvel film, but it’s not carried as far as it could be here, which brings me to my third main gripe (sorry): Tony Stark.
Rockin' the time-travelling-pirate-prisoner look. Also lightsabre whips.
RDJ’s performance in the role is rock solid. He’s quick, sharp, unpredictable, impeccably groomed — but there’s something about Tony Stark that just bugs me. I don’t remember why he’s so rich, so I’ll accept that as a given; but how does he know how to build a high-intensity laser beam with his bare hands in a matter of hours? I didn’t realise he took advanced physics alongside his professional asshole-ism course. Of course, that’s just my personal ignorance talking, and comic book fanatics will lap this up like there’s no tomorrow, but for me there were a couple of things that were just a wee bit too implausible (which, in a comic book flick, says a lot).
Oh yeah, there’s also Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer, possibly the most annoying character I’ve ever seen in a Marvel movie. Rockwell’s performance is fine, but the film cuts back to him a few too many times, and he becomes really annoying after a while. HINT: he’ll probably play a big part in Iron Man 3 and / or The Avengers.
Anyway that’s enough of the bad stuff, let’s talk about the good. The action scenes are still good, filled with richly-rendered robotic violence, but they’re all spoiled to some extent by the trailers. I hate the feeling you get when you’re half-way through a movie and you’re subconsciously ticking off scenes from the trailer that have already been shown and you realise that the best bit of the trailer is yet to come, and that it’s likely to be in the climax of the film. There should be a rule that trailers can only take footage from the first three reels of a film. Also, trailers shouldn’t be allowed to suck.
Also making a return appearance is Tony Stark’s mind-boggling futuristic super-advanced super-hero-only software technology, voiced by Paul Bettany, whereby he manipulates floating holograms with his bare hands. This is a strange thing to bring up in a review, I know, but it’s awesome. Science and technology play a vital role in Iron Man’s universe, and it’s cool to see them introduced and dealt with in such a hip way. Whether or not this tech will appear hip in 20 years is another matter entirely.
The script is good — I think. I mean, I didn’t consciously think “Hang on, what?” and I didn’t roll my eyes at any of the dialogue, which is a good sign, especially in a comic book movie. I have the feeling the script might have lost its way in the middle, where things get a bit muddled, but otherwise it gives the characters plenty to do without becoming overly predictable or ridiculous. The cinematography is similarly delightful: the nauseating aerial shots are shot in a realistic manner, which lends a bit of pizzazz to the dogfights peppered throughout the movie.
I wonder if superhero movies are in decline. There used to be a time — granted, I was only like 12 back then — when going to see the latest Spider-Man or X-Men movie meant rolicking action and good old-fashioned characters. I get that Tony Stark’s a more post-modern superhero, more of a playboy bully than a dweeby do-gooder, but that really robs Iron Man 2 of the warmth inherent in some of those previous films.
Nevertheless Iron Man 2 is a robust and polished exercise in comic bookery, but I still feel obliged to ask the ladies in the audience to come at the film with patience — lots and lots of patience — because sometimes men are idiots, and sometimes men like to relive their childhoods; in this case, Iron Man 2 is a spiffing, if sometimes perfunctory, amalgamation of both.
Iron Man 2 score
71/100
IRON MAN 2 viral advertising is lost on me
Apr 09
Not literally lost, of course. I get it– I understand how viral marketing works and there’s no doubting it certainly has a very fad place in movies right now. Of course, Hollywood has borrowed heavily from the music industry which has been successfully promoting underground/garage/indie bands for decades using similar viral ‘tactics’.
Viral marketing has been a successful way for studios to bring their indie festival purchases to larger audiences. Most recently Paranormal Activity achieved great heights using viral marketing which somewhat mirrored the horror film many consider to be the first online virally-marketed film, The Blair With Project. And who could deny Warner Brothers masterful viral promotions for The Dark Knight back in 2007/8. That sure paid off! So, I understand that studios feel the need to expose that area of marketing and ensure they net as many people as possible. Yet there are times when that kind of marketing just isn’t necessary.
Incredibly important picture of Scarlett Johansson
The viral campaign for Iron Man 2 has been surprisingly dull and increasingly irrelevant. A different term for this kind of viral marketing should be coined– I believe it’s no longer ‘viral’ once the film is a guaranteed summer blockbuster studio tent-pole film.
Iron Man 2 has a mass audience that is already guaranteed to go see it, viral marketing or not. I know this, because I’m one of those people. The Stark Industry website, the fake Stark Expo and the new videos have missed their mark with me. I’ve found most people are already talking about the film because of the trailer, the poster, Scarlett Johansson, Mickey Rourke’s Whiplash character, and (to a lesser extent) the TV spots… The swing of promotion is so great that it seems the only people really noticing (and giving a fuck) about the viral are the comic book addicts who, at the height of it all, have determined they noticed what looks like possibly the Avengers logo during a commercial for Stark Enterprises… others say it looks like Fantastic 4‘s logo and should go. I say… really?
As if to underline my point, adding to the pointlessness of it all, those debating such trivial things are already going to see Iron Man 2 opening weekend, without question. So who, exactly, is benefiting from all of this viral guff? Who’s going to see it, put two-and-two together and decide, shit yes, I’m going to see Iron Man 2 when it opens. Who’s is convinced by the Stark Expo yet not by the trailer…? I’m honestly asking, I have no idea.
View the official viral website for Stark Expo which coincides with the release date of Iron Man 2 (29 April Down Under, 30 April in the UK and 7 May in The States).
THE EXPENDABLES trailer promises action, mumbled dialogue
Apr 06
The 80s was an important time for the action film. The format became popular during that decade, and spawned careers for many physically-imposing actors that are now household names, such as Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and so on. So in keeping with the 80s throwback that has become so popular lately, Sylvester Stallone is returning to his roots to bring us a big, dumb, loud action movie filled with equally big, dumb, loud action movie stars from the past few decades. Excellent.
The plot of The Expendables is almost irrelevant. Something about a team of hardcore mercenaries taking on a hard job that’ll do the world some good in the long run, or something — what matters is the team put together to do the mission. Sly himself leads the pack (also taking the director’s chair), surrounding himself with wrestlers, martial artists and gruff macho blokes ranging from Jet Li, Jason Statham and Dolph Lundgren to Randy Couture, Steve Austin and Terry Crews. Mickey Rourke even shows up as what appears to be the mission-giver, and the trailer spoils a bit of the Schwarzenegger / Willis cameo that had action fans so salivating when it was hinted at in interviews last year.
The only odd man out is David Zayas, who plays the obligatory ethnic baddie — Zayas has come a long way from his role as Angel Batista on TV’s excellent Dexter (find Fweebo!). And there’s an obligatory love interest (for Statham’s character, at least) as well — Giselle Iltié is the lucky lass that gets to contaminate the overwhelmingly testosterone-swamped pool with a little oestrogen. Whether or not she’s in any way useful to the story remains to be seen.
Anyone who saw the latest Rambo flick probably knows what to expect from Sly’s latest: gratuitous, cartoony, graphic violence that fills the third act from wall to wall. That movie was surprisingly entertaining, for what is essentially a dismemberment VFX reel, so hopefully the same sense of silly cartoonishness will pervade The Expendables. The trailer is a little worrisome, what with the gravel-gargling voiceover and disjointed character introductions, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the real tone and content of the film isn’t very well represented in this trailer. Sly’s dedication to real stunts and practical special effects over more modern digital methods is commendable, and I guess we’ll get to see precisely how worthwhile the techniques are when we get to see the flick in its entirety.
As for me — well, it’s got Arnie in it, so I can’t not see it.
The Expendables hits US screens on the 13th of August, 2010; expect UK and Australian releases within a week or two of that date
OPINIONS COUNT