spilling thoughts on everyday movie news

Good one, Hollywood: I nearly believed you when you said you lost money on HARRY POTTER 5

Whenever I explain to people that big movie studios (like Warner Bros., Universal, Paramount, etc.) don’t make much annual profit (relatively speaking), I’m usually met with blank stares or open incredulity. “But Tentpole: The Movie: Sequel #3 made $xxx million!” they say; “of course they make billions of dollars every year!” That’s not actually the case. Why? Because,...

TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE review: by the numbers

The Twilight Saga is about a young white girl whose affections are torn between an extremely old white man and a relatively youthful tanned fellow. The old dude glistens in the sun and wears make-up that makes him look like Data from Star Trek, while the young guy spends most of his time shirtless (even in the snow!), glowering, flexing his pecs, or being a wolf (for reasons unknown). Data hates the Wolf-Boy,...

THE THING prequel gets a release date

Matthijs van Heijningen’s The Thing prequel has been slapped with a 29 April 2011 US release date. If you already forgot, Iron Man 2 opened in that slot this year and did pretty good business. But Iron Man 2 had Iron Man, Robert Downey Jr., and Scarlet Johanssen’s chest going for it. What does The Thing have going for it? Some Aussie bloke called Joel Edgerton, John McLane’s daughter from Die...

You will enjoy it: are we financially obliged to enjoy movies regardless of quality?

The average ticket price at the Australian box office is around $15. Seniors get tickets for $10, kids are around $13, students $15, and adults $17; 3D or other deluxe options skew all these prices a few dollars higher, super $10 Tuesdays skew them lower, but it all works out to be around $15 bucks. If you see a movie once a month, on average, that’s $180 a year on tickets alone; that number doubles if you...

MASS EFFECT movie announcement: good news or bad news?

Seems like Legendary couldn’t let the recent Heavy Rain movie announcement go unanswered: Mass Effect is now officially on its way to the silver screen. I don’t think I’m exaggerating here when I say Mass Effect was the most important thing I saw, played or did in the last few years: for me it was a nigh life-changing experience, so naturally my knee-jerk response to this news is to cross my...

ROBIN HOOD review: welcome back, Mr Scott

Where should I begin? I walked into Robin Hood with low expecations. I haven’t enjoyed a single Ridley Scott film made in the last decade: Gladiator was empty and hollow if you removed the action scenes, Kingdom Of Heaven was a confused cop-out of a war flick, and … okay, so I didn’t see A Good Year or American Gangster, but can you blame me? On top of that, I was starting to worry about...

MEN IN BLACK 3(D) gets a release date

You’d better get used to 3D blockbusters while you can, because by 2012, you’re going to be drowning in a veritable tidal wave of the buggers. Men In Black 3 (which will be in 3D), has just been slapped with a release date: the 25th of May, 2012. This is slap bang in the middle of Hollywood’s big summer line-up, which is, as usual, headlined by sequels, 3D blockbusters, and the occasional...

THE LOSERS trailer is full of yellow things

  I sure hope you like the colour yellow, because The Losers appears to have a lot of it: cars, locations, explosions and even lights fill the screen with colours like gold and custard and mustard and … why do those words rhyme? Because they’re both yellow foods? Huh. The Losers is about a bunch of special-ops soldier-types who get betrayed by their agencies and decide to take revenge. Pretty dull...

TREKKIES review: celebrating geekiness

If you think Star Trek is ‘lame’ or ‘uncool’ then you are still manacled to the ball-and-chain of high-school mentality populararity contests, and should probably go back to listening to Green Day and reading Harry Potter and watching Avatar, you soulless humbug. Star Trek is a forty-year-old institution, a supporting pillar of modern pop culture, and beyond being a hideously outdated...

BAFTA awards snub AVATAR, earn my respect

Ah, the British Academy of Film and Television Arts: Britain’s answer to the Academy Awards. I don’t think I know any people who speak of the BAFTAs (or the Golden Globes, for that matter) when comparing the calibre and critical worth of films; it’s always the Oscars that everyone talks about ten years after the fact. But the Oscars are weird and unpredictable, especially when it comes to...
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