I’m with Jason Segel‘s character on this one: just show a real trailer. This one isn’t even funny, except for the bit at the end with the Swedish Chef.

Due on New Year’s Day 2012, but those pesky Americans get it in time for that weird turkey festival of theirs. Lucky them.

To be known retrospectively as ‘the one where everyone dies.’ This trailer shows off a few bits that weren’t in the book, and spoils a few final-act moments that Muggles probably won’t recognise anyway.

Queue up to see Hogwarts enthusiastically dismantled on 13 July (later if you live overseas).

Another in the long list of predictable, CGI-heavy blockbuster comic book movies, Cowboys & Aliens was a film I couldn’t give two fucks about until this very trailer. Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford look like they’ll have good chemistry, Olivia Wilde gets naked and director John Favreau can be trusted with this kind of material after Iron Man (we can just forget Iron Man 2 ever happened, right?)

Cowboys & Aliens arrives 29 July in the States. No Aussie date yet.

The Help looks like a pretty straightforward adaptation of the 2009 book of the same name. What I don’t get is why they decided to show the entire freaking movie in the trailer, including character arcs and everything. Golly, I feel like I don’t even need to see the movie at this point.

Due August-ish.

The bad news is that it’s full of people getting thrown across rooms and not being injured. The good news is there’s only two of these things left. And Bella gets kicked from the inside by a demon baby. If you’re into that kind of thing.

17 November 2011. Sigh.