Reel Thinker Podcast #01, June 25 2010

Reel Thinker Podcast #01, June 25 2010

Jun 26

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You’re moments away from listening to our first ever podcast. Go ahead, click the players above or below to start streaming from the web or Download the mp3 file (19 mb). Jason Stringer, Danny Clark and Nyrie Anne share their thoughts on today’s movie topics.

Podcast #01 Topics:

• Intro
• Toy Story 3
• Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
  • Sequels in franchises
• Transformers 3
  • The cinema experience of Transformers 1
• Sam Raimi directing Oz: The Great and Powerful
• The Green Hornet target audience
• Tomorrow, When The War Began trailer

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TRANSFORMERS 3 will be in 3D, won’t suck as much as TRANSFORMERS 2

TRANSFORMERS 3 will be in 3D, won’t suck as much as TRANSFORMERS 2

Jun 14

I guess Michael Bay isn’t quite as deafened from all those explosions as I thought. He’s grudgingly admitted that the racist robot Twins from Revenge Of The Fallen weren’t very funny, so they’ve been axed from the threequel. He’s also referred to the Fallen character, the primary antagonist of Number 2, as “shit.” And while he concedes that the franchise could conceivably be rebooted, he’s made it clear that Transformers 3 will mark the end of his involvement. Thank god.

Also in USA Today’s set visit / interview piece are a few plot-related tidbits. The primary antagonist of Transformers 3 will be Shockwave, who, unlike the Fallen, actually exists in the G1 canon and is more readily recogniseable to fans of the 80s cartoon (he’s the cyclops guy who turns into a giant cannon). While Optimus Prime and Megatron are busy slugging it out over some puny meatbags, Shockwave’s running the show back on Cybetron, under an iron fist (forgive the pun); at least, that’s how they’re justifying the new villain. I guess Shockwave comes to Earth, then, or something? Or maybe Sam goes to Cybertron, that’d be cool.

Also in the piece, Shia LaBeouf speaks of co-star Megan Fox’s untimely departure from the series, and quite intelligently points out that Sam and Mikaela had become one character in the second film; a fresh character should hopefully bring a fresh perspective to the action, and potentially bring back some of the Spielbergian awe that was sprinkled through the first Transformers flick. I like this Shia fellow, he’s a sharp cookie. (Megan Fox has been replaced by a lingerie model named Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, who I’m sure can act the house down. Cough.)

The biggest news of the piece, though, is that the movie will definitely be in 3D. Bay’s known to stick to his guns (er, pun) when it comes to film tech, so odds on that Paramount will force a post-production 3D conversion, the likes of which ruined the otherwise pretty okay Clash Of The Titans. So now you’re going to be deaf and dizzy after watching Michael Bay’s next flick.

None of this can erase the sheer awfulness of Revenge Of The Fallen, but it gives me hope that Transformers 3 might be only partially shit, instead of completely.

Megan Fox will not be acting/appearing/sweating in TRANSFORMERS 3

Megan Fox will not be acting/appearing/sweating in TRANSFORMERS 3

May 20

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen was fucking atrocious. There’s no finer way to put it.  The first film was barely tolerable but the sequel was a horrendous pile of scrap metal that happened to make a bucket-load of cash. The only thing I enjoyed was being able to smirk at the screen whenever Michael Bay blatantly took advantage of Megan Fox’s assets in sweaty slow motion– it was beyond obvious and quite ridiculous to sit through.

Turns out Megan Fox won’t be part of any sexy campaign for Transformers 3 as she has been removed from the production just weeks away from shooting. Recasting has begun and there will be a new love interest for Shia LeBeouf.

Depending on your source, Megan was either sacked by Michael Bay or she decided to leave the franchise on her own (according to her publicist). The story that Fox decided to leave the franchise is harder to swallow because one would feel Megan doesn’t have a lot else going for her at the moment. Jennifer’s Body was an embarrassing debacle that didn’t make any money and Jonah Hex looks like it’s poised to tank and fizzle at the box office. Apart from these two films, Transformers is all Megan Fox had going for her acting career.

So, what would cause Michael Bay to ditch his sexy meal ticket from the third Transformers? How about the time she called him ‘Hitler’ after Transformers 2 wrapped? Or, even better, what she had to say on The Early Show last year after Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen arrived at the box office:

“I don’t know how you saw it in IMAX without having a brain aneurysm or at least a migraine headache. I’m in the movie, and I read the script, and I watched the movie, and I still didn’t know what was happening. So I think if you haven’t read the script and you go and you see it and you understand it, I think you might be a genius. This is a movie for geniuses.”

Yeah. That’ll do it. Disappointing thing is, I actually give her credit for having the balls (so to speak) to say the things she has.

Smart move or silly move by Michael Bay? Sadly, I don’t think it’ll make much difference. There are plenty of ways to find and sell sexy to an audience. Even Megan Fox was nobody until Transformers. Still, it’s surprising and a little strange that she won’t be appearing in the third instalment.

This story is still green so I’m sure we can expect follow-ups in the coming days.

Shia LaBeouf knows TRANSFORMERS 2 was crap; promises a better TRANSFORMERS 3

Shia LaBeouf knows TRANSFORMERS 2 was crap; promises a better TRANSFORMERS 3

May 14

Shia LaBeouf ain’t scared of nothin’. He got Nintendo fanboys’ jocks in a knot when he basically called the Wii antithetical to gaming itself, and now he’s looking to knock Transformers 2 fanboys down a peg by pointing out how shit it was. Well, not in so many words, but listen to the bloke chat at a recent Cannes interview (ostensibly about Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps):

When I saw the second movie, I wasn’t impressed with what we did…There were some really wild stunts in it, but the heart was gone…we got lost. We tried to get bigger…Mike went so big that it became too big, and I think you lost the anchor of the movie…You lost a bit of the relationships. Unless you have those relationships, then the movie doesn’t matter. Then it’s just a bunch of robots fighting each other.

Turns out Shia’s a smart bloke, and seems to understand a thing or two about the art / business he’s involved in. I agree 100% with his statements; I thought Transformers was a weak enough film to begin with, but I have newfound respect for it after watching the emotionless trainwreck that was Revenge Of The Fallen. There’s hope for non-fanboys, though, for Transformers 3:

There’s going to be a lot of death, human death. This time, they’re targeting humans…It’s going to be the craziest action movie ever made, or we failed.

Nothing like a bit of death to make a film meaningful, hey?

In other news, Alan Tudyk (the naked guy on drugs from the original Death At A Funeral; also the guy from “Firefly” who randomly dies near the end of Serenity… er, spoilers) has joined the ever-expanding cast of Transformers 3. Perhaps Michael Bay is planning to kill off John Malkovich, Frances McDormand, and Alan Tudyk shortly after introducing them. That would account for the “human death” toll Shia mentions above. Otherwise, why would you bother introducing half a dozen new characters in the third chapter of a trilogy? That’s what the second chapter’s for. How many new characters were there in Return Of The Jedi? Like, Jabba the Hutt. But he died. Admiral Ackbar, I guess … what was I talking about again?

While we’re on this topic, a topic I’d rather not grace too often, Transformers 3 is set to shoot at the Kennedy Space Centre, which will probably add some authenticity to the film. Then again, I’m getting sick of all this location-hopping crap — keep it local, like in Transformers 1, please.

In case it isn’t already etched into your diary in blood with a circle around it and a countdown leading up to it, Transformers 3: Ridiculous Subtitle TBA is due on the 1st of July 2011.

TRANSFORMERS 3 will almost certainly suck

TRANSFORMERS 3 will almost certainly suck

Mar 23

If you were to lay out a bunch of headshots, a complete list of casting options for all currently working actors, and asked me who I thought would crop up in the upcoming Michael Bay metal CGI robot fighting fest Transformers 3: Ridiculous Subtitle TBA, quality actors Frances McDormand and John Malkovich would be very near the bottom of the barrel. But, just like in a bad dream where logic holds no sway, this is exactly the state of affairs we find ourselves in — Frances McDormand and John Malkovich have officially signed on to appear in Bay’s next abomination. Of course, a third Transformers flick was always inevitable. Now the script is ready, the cast has all been re-signed, locations and characters are being finalised, and the train appears to be just about ready to leave the station and end up a mangled wreck in a cinema near you circa July 2011. So what exactly can we expect from this second robot sequel?

Well, the most recent news is casting-related: as mentioned above, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich and Ken Jeong are “locked in” to appear in the third film. You might remember the former two from the Coen brothers’ Burn After Reading; how do good actors like this get duped into appearing in Michael Bay films? McDormand will apparently make an appearance as the “National Intelligence Director,” while John Malkovich will play the boss at Sam Witwicky’s (Shia LeBeouf) first job. And then there’s Ken Jeong, who played the doctor in Knocked Up and the naked bloke in the boot in The Hangover, whose casting is mildly controversial, given how badly Michael Bay has handled race in the past. These three new characters will probably just end up getting swirled into the overcrowded melting pot that already is the Transformers cast and will probably just get in the way rather than contribute anything meaningful to the story.

Next up, there’s the shooting locations. Bay lists LA, Chicago, Washington DC, Florida, Texas, Africa, Moscow and China, which most Americans would smugly call a globe-spanning shoot. One of the many numerous, varied and crippling problems plaguing Revenge Of The Fallen was its obstinate refusal to stay in any one place; the teleportation “suddenly we’re in Egypt LOL” scene was a poorly executed excuse to set the action somewhere slightly more exotic than the local shopping centre. Doesn’t anyone involved with Transformers have an imagination?

What else? Apparently Bay is under pressure from studio Paramount to shoot TF3 in 3D. Oh goody. I had the misfortune of catching Revenge Of The Fallen in Imax last year, and it was so loud I almost couldn’t hear myself think, which I rather suspect is why everyone loved the movie so much — their brains were rendered inoperable by the overbearing and busy soundtrack. I imagine that the 3D super-fast hyper-editing of TF3 will similarly distract audiences and render them incapable of using their brains during the whole picture, which is, of course, the only way Bay could hope of accruing fans: by brainwashing them with white noise.

And finally the usual gang is, naturally, set to return. Shia LeBeouf will reprise the role most accurately described as “babbling like a tumor removed from Woody Allen’s prostate that somehow achieved sentience;” Kevin Dunn and Julie White will be back as the most annoying parents in cinema history; Tyrese Gibson and Josh Duhamel will don the camo gear again to play the entirely pointless hoo-rah gung-ho American marines that probably should have died in the first movie; John Turturro will return as the only moderately-interesting character in the entire Transformers universe; Peter Cullen and Hugo Weaving will growl and pontificate once again as the robot leaders; and last (and probably least) Megan Fox will rock up on set yet again to demonstrate approximately seven percent of her alleged acting ability.

Making fun of Transformers never gets old. It’s just one of those quintessentially awful films that everyone loves regardless. No matter how many things Michael Bay does wrong, no matter how many minorities he offends, no matter how juvenile his humour and basic his appreciation of the art we call cinema, his movies all steamroll the box office, and there’s not a single thing humble critics such as yours truly can do to stop the cultural apocalypse heralded by the likes of these films. That’s why we constantly nail the films for their inadequacy — to most people on the street, criticising Transformers is somewhat akin to blasphemy, yet blasphemy sounds a lot like it violates that freedom of speech thing the yanks so fervently cling to. So here we are, tearing the shit out of this movie partly to raise awareness about how bad it is, but also partly to let the world know that hey — criticism is important and meaningful, and we cranky critics are here to stay.