The cast of TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE are looking down on you in these new posters
May 22
One could argue that too many people look up to the Twilight saga, but there’s no denying the series has one hell of a following. The marketing team for the upcoming third instalment Eclipse decided to try something different for a recent run of posters by having the lead cast look down on the audience. I found it noticeably disorienting and kind of silly when I first saw them, but I’m sure they’re very exciting for fans. If you’re not bored shitless by horrendous dialogue, thin characters or lacklustre pacing, then I hardly think piss-poor Photoshop airbrushing or distracting composition in a poster are going to be a problem.
As a tool to convince people to see it, these posters are almost pointless. All they do is serve a reminder to non-fans that the film is about to be released and a ridiculous number of people are going to line-up and see it– they already know the date. It’s been marked on their calendars since it was announced. Twilight Eclipse opens 30 June worldwide (so, 1 July Down Under).
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET review: the sins of the father
May 21
I’m not big on horror. The scariest films I can remember seeing are The Thing, Rosemary’s Baby, and The Exorcist. The youngest of those is 30 years old. I haven’t seen the “classics,” the string of teen slasher flicks from the 80s, or the post-modern Scream-style stuff from the 90s; I’m most familiar with the 21st century torture porn / half-arsed reboot school of horror cinema. So what the hell do I know about horror flicks?
I fancy I’ve seen enough movies to be able to tell the difference between a good flick and a bad flick. People often ask (when critics rail against their favourite movie) what the point of criticism is; pointing out that explaining a film’s flaws makes very little impact on the film’s financial business (see: Transformers, Twilight, etc.).
I like to think that critics serve a couple of functions: one, to dissuade punters from one movie and urge them into a different theatre, saving them time and misery; and two, so that in a hundred years people can look back and ask “What was civilisation like in the early 21st century? What values did they have? What kinds of entertainment did they like?” Because, let’s face it, your illiterate tweets about how awesome Twilight: Eclipse is hold less weight than thought-out reviews penned by educated folk who make their living watching movies, don’t they? Note that I’m not a “critic” — it’s not my job to review films; I’m just a guy with a conscience and a keyboard.
Let the records show that A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010) is one of the worst crimes ever committed to celluloid. What few redeeming features it has are buried beneath incoherent storytelling, an inept script and inane characters. It’s almost like Platinum Dunes are going for a perfect 100% broken movie streak. There is literally nothing about this film that I can recommend; every element of it is broken and stupid. Read on if you want to know why.
Horror is about being scared, right? There are many ways to make you jump and cringe, but that’s not really scary, is it? A cat jumping onto your face in the middle of the night can make you jump, and catching a bit of a medical procedure on TV is enough to make you cringe. What horror’s really about is the psychological effects of the unknown, of darkness playing on your mind, of the doubt and terror of facing insurmountable odds. So why the fuck is there a well-lit close-up of Freddy Krueger five minutes into this film? Congratulations, the mystery and tension are now dead.
NOT PICTURED: mystery, tension
Horror should contain relatable characters, fabricated people in whom you can see reflections of yourself. So why the fuck do the five main characters in the film most resemble drug-addled 20-something clothing models? There is nothing compelling about dickheads and bimbos who constantly make stupid decisions for no other reason than to drag out the film’s running time. Watching them die is almost a relief — oh, is that the point? That the killings are supposed to be justified because the protagonists are all dickheads? Dehumanising the enemy is what happens during a war, not a two-hour slab of entertainment.
Horror should be driven by rational, intelligent decisions that are nevertheless overwhelmed by the sheer otherness of the situation. Not so in A Nightmare On Elm Street. Every time a character makes a decision in A Nightmare On Elm Street, it’s the wrong one. Instead of seeking professional scientific help, the teens consult the internet, resulting in some patently false medical information regarding sleep deprivation and insomnia. Instead of asking their parents for help, the teens lock themselves in their rooms overnight and try to stay awake for days at a time. Instead of immediately reporting a violent murder, a character flees the scene and attempts to evade the police. Things obviously don’t go well for him, or for the audience, who has to endure his stupid decisions.
Horror should not shy away from the horrific. In A Nightmare On Elm Street, the single most terrifying thought in the film — the subject of child abuse — is used merely as a plot device. Any film that uses something as sensitive and serious as child abuse as a trivial plot point should be treated with nothing but scorn and disdain. The film even pulls punches in its depiction of the abuse — the audience doesn’t know if it’s sexual in nature, as several key photographs are withheld from the camera’s lens — as if trying to shuffle along and ignore the trauma and true horror of child abuse. This is contemptible.
Horror should be scary. Jump-scares do not constitute “scary.” Ask Steven Spielberg — there are two jump-scares in Jaws: the first one (where the dead guy drifts out of the boat) was extremely effective, while the second one (the shark’s big reveal) was a lot less effective, because the audience was wary now, after the first jump-scare. A Nightmare On Elm Street is literally built out of jump-scares. Not a single one of them is effective, because they are all telegraphed a mile away by ominous silence and extended tracking shots. And that’s as scary as Elm Street ever attempts to be.
NOT PICTURED: compelling protagonists
Horror films should make sense, because a coherent evil is more frightening than an incompetent one. The backstory behind Freddy Krueger is one of the worst I’ve ever heard. I don’t know if it’s the same one as in the 80s namesake, but this one is mind-bogglingly stupid. There isn’t even some woo-woo explanation for how Krueger gets in the kids’ heads — he’s just there, so there may as well not be any bullshit about a gardener and a kindergarten in the first place. The whole plot hinges on the kids not remembering their pre-school year; the drugs they seem to be addled with must be pretty strong then, because I can remember quite a bit from my sixth year on this Earth, and I like to think that if some crazy gardener cut me back then I’d fucking remember it.
As a film, regardless of its genre, A Nightmare On Elm Street is weak at best. The dialogue is as wooden as Noah’s Ark, and the delivery would embarrass even George Lucas. The pace is unforgivable slow, and Freddy Krueger still manages to pop up about a dozen times more than he needs to. The music goes for mysterious and melodic when it should just shut up and let the scenes do the talking. Some of the photography is neat, and a great job has been done grading the film, but some of the effects — especially Freddy Krueger’s make-up — are a bit disappointing. Photos I’ve seen of the original Freddy make him look mischievous and fun. Krueger 2010 looks like a real burns victim, which is just sad, not creepy.
I can not for the life of me comprehend how or why these movies continue to be made. That movies like this that are disingenuous in just about every way — plot, setting, characters, conflict — that don’t make any sense, don’t have any flashes of wit or creativity, still manage to make back more than their budget. The trailer for this flick was misleading in that it was actually pretty good, but it had to spoil the majority of the film to cobble together all the good bits. So if you’re planning to see this film based on the trailer, don’t.
Most movies that I watch and dislike completely fail to ellicit an emotional response from me. Sometimes, if they’re just bad enough, they’re kind of funny in their badness. But A Nightmare On Elm Street made me feel genuinely angry. I was offended by how absolutely dreadful the movie is — right up to the final frames, too — and enraged by how stupid the film assumed I was. I’m sure director Samuel Bayer is a nice fellow with genuine enthusiasm and creativity, but if he thinks this movie is anything other than a fetid failure of filmmaking, his ego must be bigger than the moon.
A Nightmare On Elm Street score:
02/100
MTV will air the TEEN WOLF television series remake
May 21
Remakes make money, it’s just a fact. That’s why Hollywood keeps dusting off rights to old properties that have proven successful in the past and turning them into films. For whatever reason, our interest is perked enough to pop along to the cinema and see just how badly they fucked things up– resulting in a profit and ultimately a general consensus that remakes are a good thing– they are not… but they do make money.
MTV have decided to pick-up a television remake of the 80s cult classic high school film Teen Wolf, starring eighteen year old Tyler Posey from such television moulds as Smallville and Lincoln Heights. If you’re wondering, like me, if the show’s creators can revive all that campy goodness in a new wave retro kind of way, you can forget it. According to MTV high-ups, the new Teen Wolf will be nothing like the original film or cartoon series.
It has a fresh take and is very different from the original. It has more of an ‘American Werewolf in London’ feel to it. It’s a dramatic thriller with two best friends in the center who provide a great comedy element: They are two very relatable characters on the outer circles of popular cliques.
Slashfilm also reminds us that plot summaries for the upcoming pilot episode include descriptions like “teen gets superpowers, including the ability to woo girls, after a wolf attack.”
My head hurts. The premise of Teen Wolf has always been decent. No matter how campy the product was, the substance behind the character has always had a charm that helped it resonate (and I’m being serious). So, with that idea in-tact, and the prospect of it being a dramatic thriller with elements of An American Werewolf in London, I might have actually gotten excited about this TV series at one point. I just can’t seem to shake the irritating fact that they’re calling it Teen Wolf and ripping off an iconic 80s film.
It might not be all doom and gloom. I mean, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a cult(ish) film from the early 90s that actually turned into a decent television series for a while there. Not that I watched it, but still, it gained a huge following. Lord knows this has every chance to be a booming success, what with the Twilight films and television shows like The Vampire Diaries, True Blood and Supernatural all finding an audience; there seems to be a new hunger for supernatural programming.
I just know I’m going to run into a teenager’s online comment saying how much they love that Teen Wolf show and hoping they make it into a movie one day…
Tyler Posey will play Scott McCall in the new Teen Wolf, reprising the famous role first played by Michael J. Fox in 1985.
source: slashfilm
Illiterate twitter response to Oprah’s TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE screening is positive, I think
May 07
I have no idea how twitter works, so I’m going to have to take moviefone‘s word on this one: Oprah held a secret surprise advanced screening of the upcoming Twilight Saga flick Eclipse, and we all know that anyone ignorant enough to enjoy Oprah’s shenanigans is probably also ignorant enough to enjoy a secret surprise advanced screening of a movie like Eclipse, so needless to say, the response was overwhelmingly positive.
If, like the affluent Twilight mums who populate Oprah’s audience, you enjoy the whole Twilight phenomenon, then you will be heartened to read things like this:
@JustSoJazzyDiva OMFG @Twilight Saga #Eclipse was so freaking good!!! Blew Twilight & New Moon out the water!!! It was AMAZING!! YES!!! The leg hitch was in the movie!!! Suuuch a hott scene!!!
Does only 2 exclamation marks at the end of AMAZING make the declaration slightly less genuine than the 3 exclamation marks at the end of “Suuuch a hott scene”?
@Nicolediscogrll I just saw Eclipse. Oh my F****G god. Best movie I have ever seen. The fight scenes the love scenes oh my god. Hands the whole time and cried and omfg. This isn’t real. I love you Oprah. You will NOT be disappointed and the love sceenes are f’ng HOT. Turned me on a little.
Hands the whole time!
@Shannon_Haile Sorry Eclipse was amazing, sorry I couldn’t contain myself. Everyone should be GLAD the movie turned out
AMAZING.
No-one should apologise for the quality of a film. Unless it was shit.
Seriously, guys -- who used the last of the toilet paper?
Okay, okay, I’ll stop being a smartarse and let the Twihards do the talking:
@Vivian_Ortiz Eclipse was amazing! Can’t wait to see the final version! Best Movie Yet.
@CristalVaca Just watched Eclipse, it was f***ing incredible.
@Courtneex3 OH MY GOD!!!! Eclipse was absolutely AMAZING. Better then both New Moon & Twilight! Holyy crappp =O
@MochaChick8705 OMG!!! #Eclipse was so amazing!! Can’t wait to go to the Oprah show tomorrow to see Rob, Kristen, Taylor, and Dakota!! Look for my tweets!!@TrendingJB Just saw Eclipse!! AMAZING movie. That’s ALL I’m saying.
@WTFKStew “Eclipse was amazing! Can’t wait to see the final version! Best Movie Yet. :)
@twilightskittle ECLIPSE: BEST movie out of the series! It was so much more intimat…and the proposal was very touching.
@AlphieLJ was at the Eclipse screening for Oprah and what you are hearing on twitter is true. Two thumbs WAY up!
Oprah has a lot of power. Sometimes, she uses her power for good (i.e., charity); other times, she uses her power for evil (e.g. hosting quacks), and I think this is an example of the latter. Any time she supports a book or film that is not actually good, and her flock immediately buys a million of said book or film, then the makers of the book and / or film are going to get the wrong message; they’re going to think it’s okay to continue to pump out trash, because these desperate rich white women keep on buying it.
Anyway, I’m a little suspicious of that fact that none of the tweeters cited in moviefone’s article were even a little bit disappointed by Eclipse. Maybe that’s a sign that Eclipse is better than New Moon — but hey, that wouldn’t be hard.
How much trouble can TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE possibly be in?
Apr 16
Reshoots happen on just about every film you’ve ever seen. They’re built into the schedule, built into the budget of the entire film and usually only occur due to slight continuity or pacing issues that cannot be resolved in editing. That’s why we generally don’t catch wind of reshoots — they’re a natural part of the process. When movie websites do hear about re-shoots it often means things are fucked up beyond the reach of everyday typical reshoots and that serious patchwork for a troubled production is underway.
News broke today that Twilight: Eclipse, the upcoming third film in the Twilight Saga, has entered a stage of reshooting complete scenes and fight sequences with whispers that the film’s director, David Slade, will not be present for them. Apparently his relationship with studio Summit has boiled over and they have cut ties — despite Summit stating otherwise in a rather “everything is fine, just trust us…” manner. Without an official press release, Summit have said that Slade will be helming the reshoots and everything is fine. Let’s face it — they have to say that.
There is also the possibility that, quite simply, a second unit might be handling the production. But that’s just me speculating.
Personally, I don’t see how much trouble Eclipse could possibly be in. Given the excruciating nature of the first two films there would have to be some serious issues for Summit to require urgent, un-scheduled reshoots. At least there is the glimmer of hope that Twilight might trip and fall, and the rest of the series could get derailed… I can dream can’t I?
Of course, I understand that’s just never going to happen. Fans of the book, young ladies and older mums alike, will queue overnight to see this and every other upcoming Twilight Saga film. Each to their own, I guess.
If you’re one that can’t get enough Twilight in your life, you can sit back and ponder one of the most unfortunate Photoshop efforts on a movie poster in recent times. I’m referring to Kristen Stewart’s pasted-in face and strange-shaped scalp/hair, which doesn’t match the proportions to the rest of her body:
source: slashfilm
OPINIONS COUNT